Quick Story

I'm doing the Santa Barbara show and there is a dealer in the corner from Louisiana. His boyfriend is wearing extremely skimpy and tight shorts and a tube top, very gay. It is cold and rainy out and it is a little bit weird.

His legs were as white as snow. Because I have a big mouth and like to play with people good naturedly I commented on his pasty white sticks, told him that the glare off his legs was hurting my eyes. He took it well, in the spirit it was offered.

That night when I got into my room at the hotel (Motel 6) the phone immediately rang. I did not recognize the voice but the caller suggested that he wanted me to come over and sample certain portions of his anatomy that I am not really comfortable navigating. He said a few things I can't repeat on a family blog.

"Who the hell is this?" I stammered.

"It's Ed Jackson from Shreveport, you know, the first booth in the show. Why don't you come over to my room and I will drop my panties for you."

I was pissed and actually almost without words. "No thanks," I said and hung up. No one had ever really spoken to me like this. 

The experience actually made me angry, the guy was way over the line. I told my friends about it at dinner and they said I should forget about it. The next morning at six I went to the motel night manager and told him that I had been sexually harassed by a guest. I was afraid that I was now being watched.

"Well, guess what buddy, my shift is over in less than an hour, I am going home and I don't give a shit."

Frustrated, I turned around in a huff and went back to my room, with plans on going straight to the show promoter and having the miscreant thrown out of the show for his rude behavior and language.

No sooner had I got to the show when my old friends Rick and John came over. Long time antique dealer couple. Rick was laughing uproariously and confessed to having made the call and impersonating the new guy. He wanted to get to the show early before I went off on the guy from Shreveport and had him tossed from the show.

He thought I would recognize his voice but I didn't. He said our friend Gianna was on his bed listening and laughing hysterically. Rick and I have had a running banter for years and I told him that revenge is a dish best served cold but that payback would be a serious bitch. Which it will.

I am going to start plotting...