Jonathan and Ray sent these over

 The Medical Community Responds to Covid-19

 
Should we open up the country? 

Here are the results by medical specialty:
 
The allergists were in favor of scratching it,
but the dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it,
 the neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.
The veterinarians argued doggedly to purr-suade the public about the claws-and-effect consequences.
Meanwhile, obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while
the ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted .
Many pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"  
While the pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!"  
psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness,
while the radiologists could see right through it.  
surgeons decided to scrub the whole thing and the
internists claimed it would be a bitter pill to swallow .  
The plastic surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter."  
The podiatrists thought it was a step forward,
the urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.  
anesthesiologists thought the it was a gas,
and those lofty cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.  
In the end, the proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision to the assholes in Washington.    

*

Riots in The Villages in Florida. 

The rioting in major cities across the U.S. has spread to The Villages, Florida, a retirement community of over 100,000.

Looters in Florida’s friendliest hometown have especially broken into stores that sell items like laxatives, vitamins, hearing aids, reading glasses, energy drinks and surgical stockings.

The Seniors were easily caught and arrested since they were using their walkers and golf carts to flee.

The protests have been limited to the evening hours because most of the lawbreakers either had doctor’s appointments during the day or rioting would have interfered with their naps.

The marches didn’t last that long because many of the demonstrators had to get home to pee. In many cases, the demonstrators simply forgot why they were even there.

Officials considered a curfew starting at 9 p.m. but since that’s the time when most of the residents go to bed anyway, it was decided that it wasn’t needed.

Community leaders concluded that part of the problem was that residents were restless because they had too much time on their hands since the recreation centers, pools, theaters, boutique stores and especially the bars were closed due to the corona virus.

Community officials wanted to form a committee to look further into the problem, but the next day no one could remember why they needed a committee.