Bring it.

Alhambra steps

Elisabeth Kubler Ross (1926-2004) was the pioneering Swiss American psychiatrist who first articulated the concept of five stages of grief in her seminal 1969 book On death and dying.

The five stages in what has become known as the Kubler Ross Model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

We all face hardship and the prospect of a potential life ending event differently.

I have faced a lot of existential crisis in my life, actually started dying and the physical process of necrosis during one particularly bad event back in 1974.

The doctor told my mother and I that I had a damaged liver somewhat akin to what an eighty year old alcoholic might have, he predicted I would not make it even three more days, my pancreas emptied, I threw up bile, feet started itching incredibly.

I was a goner. Dying. But somehow, with my mother's help and the blessings of providence, I pulled through. There have been many such events in my life, unfortunately. The rumors of my impending demise have been greatly exaggerated.

My dear friend Kerry called me a cat the other day, said I obviously had nine lives. I asked him to stop with the nickname, said it bothered me and when he asked why I said because I've already cycled through nine lives at least. Need to try to find another metaphor that will give me a fighting chance.

When faced with such life and death questions, my go to reaction in regards to the Kubler Ross Model has been anger. Not proud of it, it is just me. I don't think I need to recount specific instances, take my word for it. But serious illness has a way of really pissing me off.

I saw a Rice University study many years ago that said that strangely, the angry people lived the longest. Must be a matter of will, I don't know.

I am out of the woe is me, whacked out stage with the current kerfuffle. Not in denial, no longer depressed, some anger. I guess I am now mostly in the acceptance stage with a touch of bargaining.  Been here before, will roll up my sleeves and deal with it. I know how to as well as anybody. Have no idea what the universe has in store for me? But I am an old hand. Bring it on but bring your lunch, fucker.

Because I never stop fighting and I'm not laying down. You are dealing with one angry son of a bitch. I bet on me.