Rover Schmuck

We are all humans and we all have our prejudices. Sad but true. Even me over here at the Blue Heron Blast. I admit it. I am beginning not to be able to stand the majority of people that buy, rent, lease or drive black Range Rovers.

I'm over at Ohoris Coffee near Kaune's Market the other day. The one that used to be Capitol Coffee. My go to coffee spot in Santa Fe. I parked in an open parking space and ventured in to enjoy a cup of java and read my emails. Had some time to kill before the show.

I left to go to work and I see that a shiny black Range Rover has parked about four inches from my door. No way in hell to get in, the other side of the van was full, I'm screwed. Parking lot was near empty but no matter, Mr. or Mrs. Important can obviously do what they want. Utter lack of consideration.

Oblivious man could have parked in fifty other spaces without troubling anyone. But no matter. It is after all, their world. And I drive a lowly Chrysler that has admittedly seen better days.

I stormed into the joint and demanded in a rather pissed voice to know which a-hole was driving the sparkling clean, anthracite hued, status symbol on wheels that would probably never touch a dirt road in its entire lifetime. This typical, entitled, thirty something douchebag, looks up in the air with palpable disgust and consternation and finally consents to move his car. Wouldn't even look at me as we walked outside.  I was wasting his very valuable time. Lord Fauntelroy was dressed like a young bond trader.

No apology, no nothing, he just exuded punk ass entitlement from every spoiled little pore on his cross trained, Kambucha laced, millennial body. How dare I be put out? I had embarrassed him at his local coffee shop. It was probably a good thing that he kept his mouth shut. I was in no mood. My anger at his lack of consideration was starting to mix with the serious class envy chip on my shoulder and the results would not have been pretty.

Ran into another black Range Rover at Willy's Arco in Fallbrook here before I left. Young guy going around the pumps because he didn't know what side his tank was on decided to cut me off while I was pulling into #3. Like I didn't exist. Because he could and didn't give one shit about the consequences of his actions. Typical selfish brat. Willy watched the whole thing play out and we had a laugh together at the guy's boorishness. What is with these jerkoffs? Do they make you submit to and pass a sociopathic personality test before they will give you the fob?

And I'm not the first. Google range rover and asshole and see what comes up.

About to invoke the dreaded curse, may your stupid Range Rover spend more time in the garage getting fixed than in your driveway and my mechanics tell me that they usually do. Mess with me, I dare you. You've seen my car, I don't care, I will take serious damage to dole it out at this point. War is declared.