Closet Cases

If you want a few laughs these days, all you have to do is check in on those wacky folks over in the House of Representatives!

Rep. Louie Gohmert thinks that the gays in the military thing won't work because those people are getting massages all the time. Redecorating the barracks and listening to Gloria Estefan.

I’ve had people say, “Hey, you know, there’s nothing wrong with gays in the military. Look at the Greeks.” Well, you know, they did have people come along who they loved that was the same sex and would give them massages before they went into battle. But you know what, it’s a different kind of fighting, it’s a different kind of war and if you’re sitting around getting massages all day ready to go into the big, planned battle, then you’re not going to last very long. It’s guerrilla fighting. You are going to be ultimately vulnerable to terrorism and, you know, if that’s what you start doing in the military like the Greeks did, as people have said, “Louie, you have got to understand, you don’t even know your history.” Oh, yes, I do. I know exactly. It’s not a good idea.

Rep. Steve King says he doesn't expect to meet any gays in heaven.

“I would say that what was a sin 2,000 years ago is a sin today, and we need to stick to that principle,” King said in an interview with The Jefferson Herald.

Well perhaps it's because you're not going to heaven, Steve. Ever think of that? I speak for many of us, I am sure, in saying that we would sooner be in hell than living anywhere close to you anyway. Perhaps you could explain why the sheep have such a look of terror on their cute wooly faces when you approach them on your farm?