Smite them, Lord.

The "youknowwho's" are at it again. Not content to appoint themselves as the moral authorities of womenhood's collective uterus's and vaginas, and official timekeepers of the fetal heartbeat, the party of limited government has got a couple fresh new ideas to put on the table. Meet our new calvinist overlord:

Cooch, also known as Ken Cuccinelli, the Republican Attorney General of Virginia now running for governor, is proposing laws that would forbid oral and anal sex. Between married people. And that's not all. Cooch thinks that it is high time that we start penalizing people for having sex out of wedlock and for adulterous infidelity. He wants to reinstate the old "Crimes against nature" statutes.

The Centers for Disease Control finds that nearly 82 percent of men and 80 percent of women ages 15-44 admit to having had oral sex. But I wouldn't advise trying it in Virginia. Because the only thing that sucks there is the Attorney General.

“Restrictions on adultery “ought to stay on the books...Frankly it wouldn’t hurt to enforce them (adultery laws) more,” Cuccinelli is quoted as saying. Cuccinelli drew a comparison to “perjury inasmuch as the occasional prosecution or two would get people thinking twice.”

Because the government just doesn't have enough to do. I read Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter in the seventh grade, everybody did. A little smiting and stoning will get this country right back on its moral feet.

We won't outlaw sex, just mandate that it be accomplished the way god intended, in the missionary position, between a man and a woman, with both parties fully clothed and the lights turned off. As long as it's performed for purposes of procreation nobody should have a problem. Stone a few wayward miscreants, bring back the stocks, you make a little example out of a few perverts, people will get the message.

When you look at the homosexual agenda, I cannot support something that I believe brings nothing but self-destruction, not only physically but of their soul. Cooch 6/26/13

“My view is that homosexual acts, not homosexuality, but homosexual acts are wrong. They’re intrinsically wrong. And I think in a natural law based country it’s appropriate to have policies that reflect that." Cooch 2009

Don't we have enough on our plates fighting a failing economy, an enemy named terrorism, not to mention tooth decay, to worry about a little pleasurable debauchery between married or otherwise consenting adults? I have an idea. Stay the fuck out of my bedroom!

If any person carnally knows in any manner any brute animal, or carnally knows any male or female person by the anus or by or with the mouth, or voluntarily submits to such carnal knowledge, he or she shall be guilty of a Class 6 felony…

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In other news today, Missouri State Senate Majority Whip Brian Nieves (R-Washington) said that saving the life of a mother by allowing her to have an abortion is merely a matter of convenience.

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A lot of my socially liberal, fiscally conservative pals will pull the lever for these types of loathsome pond scum. Better for the investment portfolio. You vote for them, you own them, okay? Fire, brimstone, olde testament, the whole kit and kaboodle. And no more, you know what for you.