Shut yo mouf

If you ask me, and admittedly no one has, the President of the United States has a bit of an image problem. Our greatest presidents since day one have been old generals or war heroes and Barack just doesn't have that macho swagger. I think that it makes him hard to relate to for most average white guys.

The fairly ineffectual president George Bush could stand on a carrier declaring mission accomplished doing his best Clint Eastwood impression and the country just ate it up. Make my day, hombre. Barack offs Osama Bin Laden on his watch and gets zero street cred. Unfortunately he looks like a guy more comfortable on a squash court than somebody you would want watching your back in a barroom brawl. He frankly seems a little bit soft.

He tried the macho thing a few months ago when he warned the world that he didn't bluff but it didn't exactly resonate. I'm not saying he is a pussy on the level of Jimmy Carter but he reinforces the image of the democrats as people who drink tea with their little fingers aloft in the air.

Maybe it has something to do with the company he keeps. I am nursing a bad cold this weekend. Laying on the couch in the midst of my suffering I told my wife that Anna had just offered me a chance to have dinner with Barry and Michelle. "Anna who?" "Anna Wintour," I said in my most casual voice. "The editor of Vogue wants to have dinner with you?""Well, not just me, Sarah Jessica Parker will probably stop by, you know how she is." I showed her the gmail. 

Robert --

I am thrilled and honored to be co-hosting an event with the President and the First Lady at Sarah Jessica Parker's home on June 14th.

And I'm happy to have the chance to extend an invitation to you as well.

Enter for the chance to join us, along with a guest of your choosing:

https://donate.barackobama.com/Night-in-New-York

After dinner, you'll join the President and the First Lady for a private Mariah Carey concert.

Pretty fabulous. I wouldn't miss this opportunity.

Hope to see you soon,

Anna Wintour

Now I don't think I could exactly fit it in to my schedule, what could we really talk about, the problems he has driving to his right on the basketball court? Reminisce about the good old days on the business end of a bong?  I know that Mariah Carey is really popular and all but I must confess her music does absolutely nothing for me. If ever there was a gathering of the Hollywood elite, it is this confab, even if we are actually talking Manhattan or possibly East Hampton. These are not my people. I blanche at the thought of watching another Sex in the City rerun. That's the problem, his base is clubby and chummy and all but a lot of us normal folks don't really fit in. Won't play in Peoria.

Americans want a John Wayne type running the show. A little grit and swagger. No matter how stupid he or she may actually be. Although Barack is of mixed race, we never get to see the ghetto street tough. Richard Roundtree. Doesn't every black dude, however milktoast, have one lurking deep inside?

Barack!

Who's the black president

whose hoop skills are so excellent?

(Barack!)

Damn straight

Who is the man

That would risk his neck for his brother man?

(Barack!)

Can ya dig it?

Who's the cat that won't cop out

When there's danger all about

(Barack!)

Right on

You see this cat Barry is a bad mother--

(Shut your mouth)

But I'm talkin' about Barack

(Then we can dig it)

He's a complicated man

But no one understands him but his woman*

(Barack)

* and Saul Alinsky

So that would be my advice to this president, if he would ever stoop so low as to ask advice from a common, uneducated, blogging, art dealer. Find the floor length fox coat with the broad lapel, if you don't have one you can borrow one from Clyde Frazier. Pull the platforms out of the closet. Call up Vladimir and say "Holmes, you got five seconds to get your sorry butt on board with Syria or I am going to lay some evil whoopass on your creepy Volga skull. You know what I'm talking about." The American public could relate to you for once and we would be probably quicker on our way to achieving world peace.

Think about it, Barry,

Your friend, 

Robert Sommers