A friend or two I love at hand...

Life is a bittersweet affair. If you live long enough you get to see the people you love get sick and sometimes die. Unless you are lucky enough to go first.

I had been dreading the call. My great buddy BigD told me that he needed to talk to me about something. I was nervous and decided to wait a while and not call him back. Didn't want to deal with it.  BigD had undergone a kidney transplant, a need necessitated by a polycystic kidney condition that had vanquished a few of his family members already. He had been having problems with the anti-rejection drugs. I was hoping that it was not medical, hoping it was a squabble with his wife or an unfortunate financial plummet.

But it was not to be. One of my best and oldest friends called yesterday and let me know that he has a B cell lymphoma. I am not sure if it is the diffused large cell type, not knowing a lot about the particular disease. I just did a check and see that half the people with the disease get cured. I hope that my friend is one of the lucky ones, he has three children and a nephew that he needs to see grow up. Hell, Tony lived with CLL for twenty years.

It is going to be trickier for BigD, because of the compromised immune system that he has been dealt but I think that he can pull through. He is one of the toughest people I have ever known, along with being one of the most talented, smartest and most tech savvy. Loves cars and gadgets. Has had and driven the best. Pioneered experimental polaroid camera techniques. Brilliant and always ahead of the curve. Chemo starts for my friend this week.

***

BigD was a college roommate who I first met while following the Grateful Dead. He had a sony D-5 and was enough of a tech geek to make friends with Healy, Chubbs and Pearson and plug straight into the board. We made little pilgrimages around the country together, seeking maximum fun and contact. D followed the band to Europe, Alaska and points even farther than I did.

We both had BMWs and tended to operate with a certain degree of style. He is a tough guy from Chicago and we hit it off really well. I wrote a few term papers for him at UCSD and he detailed my beamer. D was a film major and rode his fancy italian road bikes for the school bike team. He worked at the bike shop and loved north San Diego county. What was not to love in those days. Girls, frisbee, waves, it was close to heaven on earth.

We had a third member of the triad, Jeff. Somewhere along the line Jeff left the gang, finding honest work and maybe religion and his own unfortunate brush with mortality.

Rick Griffin loved to hang out at our Cardiff pad and called us the three musketeers or the fabulous furry freak brothers. We lived on the high point at San Elijo overlooking the prized Cardiff Reef surf spot. Lots of party, an occasional nitrous tank, we certainly took elevation to its own new height.

***

My boss Lou used to tell me that you were lucky to have five real friends that you can count on in your whole life. He might have been right. D is certainly one of those five. After thirty five years of friendship, tempered in the holy fire of the Swing Auditorium in February of 1977, I know that he is one of the handful of people that I can always count on. Patient tech support, confidante, sometimes marital or life counselor, faithful friend. In spite of all of our inherent weaknesses and limitations and the vagaries of life, we always found time for each other, in person or on the phone. He had been telling me recently that we need to have more fun together. Vegas or another crazy trip to Amsterdam.

***

I have faced my own mortality far many more times than most. I wasn't supposed to live past fifteen, once was pronounced with three days left on the planet and rode past a few other supposed death sentences. Fools. Didn't you know only the good die young?

If I was to take my leave of this planet tomorrow I could go without regrets. A painful separation from the woman I love and who has given me so much, but the confidence to know that she could find her way on her own if she had to. That would be my only regret. Because I was one of those lucky people who made hundreds and thousands of friends and loved the people in my life deeply. In the final analysis, it is people that make this human experience, at least for me. And dogs and cats, of course.

I could take leave of this earth because I don't have children that I need to see grow up. I can't imagine the pain of missing that. That is the pain that BigD is facing in his battle with this wicked beast. The loss of my sister tore my heart apart, the loss of contact with your progeny would certainly be at least as terrible.

***

If you are a religious sort or have some little in somewhere that you don't like to talk about, utter a prayer or a blessing for my friend and wish him a speedy recovery.