Ruth Sherman Gellman

My wife's mother Ruth passed away yesterday. She was a gallant woman who fought the valiant fight against a terrible disease, multiple sclerosis, for twenty eight years. In the end she succumbed to complications from pneumonia.

Ruth had been in the hospital for the past nine days and in ICU for the last seven. Yesterday, per her wishes, we took her off the ventilator that had kept her alive but in a near vegetative state for the past week.  She died a little after 10:00 last night, in the company of her son Andrew. We had left a few minutes before.

My mother in law was one of the greatest women I have ever met and a major influence on my life. She was a truly beautiful woman, inside and out, and had a keen intellect. My friend Garry Cohen once told me to always look at the mother if you wanted to see how your spouse would eventually look. I saw this gorgeous woman and knew that I was set.

She loved her children, her little dogs and her late husband Marvin. She was an avid bridge player and a very good one. She knew all the conventions and taught her daughter and I the game, although we could never begin to play at her level. She was a competitive woman and a courageous one as well.

Prior to her disabling illness, she had been a distance runner and I am told a good and tenacious tennis player. In Michigan, she delighted in sailing the family sloop with Marvin, her son Andrew J and daughter Leslie.  She loved books and keeping her mind sharp. She spoke excellent spanish. Ruth was a keen advocate for animal rescue. She took particular delight in the comic strip peanuts. She was a familiar figure in the Coronado Cays, zipping along on her motorized scooter, in the company of her Shih Tzu's, Sammy and Kona.  Ruth was a wonderful friend, she had many, and they all drew strength from her fierce loyalty and great companionship. She had an affinity for strays, both the animal and people kind.

***

Ruth Shirley Sherman was born in Detroit seventy four years ago to Oscar Sherman and Anna Leebove Sherman. She had four brothers and sisters, Bill, Larry, Betty and Arnold. She lived in both New York and St. Louis as a child. Ruth and Marv made their home in Southfield, Michigan. They moved to the west coast and Coronado in the early eighties, only to make the horrible discovery that she had contracted multiple sclerosis, a cruel disease that over activates the immune system and eviscerates the neural network. Researchers have found that M.S. somehow clustered in upper midwestern women from industrial cities in her demographic time and age group. The malady decimated the family finances but could never touch the love and loyalty they felt for each other and in my opinion actually strengthened the family bond. They came together as a family in the face of a nasty foe.

I met Ruth twenty one years ago. Leslie and I had our first date and let me be the first to admit that it didn't go really well. My future wife went home and asked her mother what she had been thinking to go out with such a son of a bitch? Her mother, who had barely met me, said that there was something about me that she felt was special and that she should give me one more chance. Well suffice it to say, I have had many more chances, and for that act of kindness on the part of her mother alone I am eternally grateful. Without her admonition, I wouldn't be with my wife today, the very definition of a soul mate. Sorry, honey.

Ruth was the toughest person I have ever met. I saw her over time going from an awkward gait walking up her stairs under her own power, to the loss of her legs, her body finally arriving at a point where she could only move one hand. It was only a matter of time before she lost all internal muscle control. The day was always coming. But it had been long delayed, while she endured a constant burden that would crush a normal mortal.

And yet this woman never lost her composure. She was always impeccably dressed, neat and perfectly presented. She was the epitome of dignity. She bore her fate with a strength that was so impressive. I never heard her once bemoan her fate and the terrible hand that she was destined to draw. Can you imagine being struck down at the height of your vitality and soldiering on with the grit and fortitude that Ruth showed every day?

***

There are a lot of people that need to be acknowledged. Ruth could not have made it all these years without the love and devotion of her caretakers, Flor and Amelia. They are as broken right now as we are, and we all cried together at the hospital. I would like to thank Dr. Patrick Yassini, who had been her physician for the past 12 years and would care for her in her home. Ruth had many friends, too many to count, but I would like to mention a few core people that were instrumental in her life. Her brothers. Millie and Aunt Geri. Diana, Deena, Hanna. Paula. Gloria. Shooter. Howard and Carolyn. Annie and Lillian, who preceded her in death. Emil, wherever you are. We all were enriched by this brave and special woman.

***

Many people have rotten things to say about their mother in laws. I never have and I never will. Because she was always so good to me. If my wife and I were having a beef, my mother in law would never take a side. Never once. She always played it straight down the middle. But she would not hesitate to challenge or correct me if my behavior was less than exemplary. I am going to miss the hell out of her and even more so will my wife. They had become not only mother and daughter but best of friends. The family bond was fierce. The Gellman family stand behind each other.

***

Ruth leaves her son Andrew and Andrew's wife Nicole and their two children Jake and Brooke as well as my wife and I. And so many of you. We are going to have a private service at some time in the future. Please honor her memory with a contribution to the S.P.C.A. or the animal rescue of your choice. I am so lucky and honored to be her son in law and friend.