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If I may seque myself, my long opus of the life of Sommers, at least until the age of 11 mysteriously vanished from the blog this morning, never to be found again. I am not quite ready to dip myself in the tub of pathos necessary to rewrite the long winded gem but perhaps I will revisit the subject one day. I swear it was not a self inflicted wound, maybe the depths of my childhood trauma crashed the server.
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Almost all the comments I received for the disappearing post were favorable, with the exception of Dixon, who felt that it was in a serious need of an edit. My brother Buzz, who lived it with me liked it and that is the most important thing for me. It was the most personal thing that I have ever written and the longest piece I ever posted with the exception of my heart surgery journal but perhaps too intimate.
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Something that I find interesting about the whole matter is that I had hunted for a koan to put on the blog and settled on the invisible sutras story yesterday. I went through the works of Nasruddin and a whole bunch of Zen stories before this one grabbed me. And then the post just vaporizes off the blog? There is a strange symmetry there. Many years ago, maybe in my late teens or early twenties I had a leather bound i ching which I placed in a suitcase on a flight to New York. When I did, I said to myself "I will never see this book again." Lo and behold, it was not in my luggage when I opened it up back east. Very odd. In the long run I am glad that those who saw it saw it and it's probably nothing I can write again. Purged it and released it. Bam.
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I have read that our personhood is formed between the ages of 4 and 7 and I think that there is truth to that. With such an odd childhood, I was destined to be an odd duck. Or heron.
15 comments:
Probably better this way. While reading I was thinking TMI, Robert, TMI.
And how is that every autobiographer who mentions taking an IQ test always turns out to be in the genius range?...never heard anyone say, "I was tested, and dadgummit, I turned out to be in the imbicilic range!" A test given and scored by your mom may not have been the most objective methodology. But you are certainly a wise guy.
You're certainly right about the IQ thing. Impossible to talk about it without sounding like a mensa douchebag. Never helped me any. I am lucky enough to come from a family of really smart people, I fall towards the low end of the whole group.
My Mom had me tested also... and just like you I'm a frickin' genius. They found this out after I flunked 2nd grade. From there on out I got D's and F's right up until I quit high school and ran away form home. But that's my story and it's not why I'm writing this...
I'm writing this because your "MY STORY SO FAR" blog was fucking brilliant! You had me from "My name is Robert Steven Sommers." and still have me with the "(to be continued, possibly)" I can only imagine that to pull that kind of emotion from your soul you must have been doing serious acid while listening to Jerry sing China Doll and having twisted sex with a twenty something love junkie.
FUCKING BRILLIANT!
FINISH THE STORY and don't punk out!
WD
I read it and enjoyed it very much. On one level it caused me to revisit my early years and it reminded me what I do know of my ancestors and makes me aware of what I do not know of them! I think it was brave of you to write with such candor. It was an important piece of writing to me as it caused me to better appreciate my familial relations. I tend to isolate especially away from those I was once closest to. I may pick up that heavy phone and make a few calls. Thank you Rob
Brian v
Personally, i feel ripped off; it was your magnum opus.
I got read it before the disappearance. Found it interesting, but might agree a little with "Dixon"
Here's some science about how we develop our autobiography.
Have you a back-up hard drive for your Mac??? If you do, I am thinking that you can use Time Machine to go back and find the missing life story. Just a thought.
Yes, TMI, but a great read. As I mentioned to you, with a background like that, no wonder you did not think you were going to live past 52. You are defying all odds!!!
S has got you under his spell.
Robbie, i am so sorry that dissapeared before jake and rach had a chance to read it. on the plus side, zach did read it and enjoyed it immensely. he found out things that i had never mentioned or forgot like dads lettering and playing with bronco, but most of all, the verification of the fly story. i think he appreciates his childhood more now, although with time, even the beatings have mellowed in my mind. love buzz
it sounds like the first masters of "bold as love", that got left in a taxi or who knows where... i'm sorry that i missed the first take i hope that you can somehow pull out a second and unlike testsugen, you wont need to make a third... for me your best writing has always been your most personal, alas also your most vulnerable... people can recognize their own past in your skill as a writer to capture in words what others have felt or experienced but lack either the courage or skill to express it...i hope that one day you will be published, and that you will find a skillful editor who can coax and encourage you to continue... there's a few stories in this blog that have been left untended, but with financial and time constraints ( and health concerns ), i'm grateful you write as much as you do... and i hope somehow it comes back from its journey in cyberspace...take care, Robert. dave in japan
Thank you Dave. You too had an intimate relationship with sorrow in your life. We all move forward the best we can. I appreciate your continued readership and friendship from the other side of this spinning conundrum.
Love,
Robert
I read it and am waiting for the next installment. Don't stop now.
I was wondering f you had read it, Barbara. It sort of sapped me emotionally and it is something I can't revisit for a while.
Robert,
Nothing ever really disappears on the internet. Your "Story so far" still exists, intact, in a Google "cached" copy--
http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:GGs5SskzKcYJ:www.blueheronblast.com/2010/11/i-drove-back-from-san-francisco.html+blue+heron+blast&cd=2&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us
You can thank me or curse me at your discretion.
Your cyber pal,
-Ed S.
Wow, Ed. Thanks, I guess. Actually many thanks. I appreciate you finding it. Now I guess I will have to finish it.
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