Watching the tide roll away...

I'm sitting up here in San Francisco waiting for the doors to open so that I can greet the public. With adoring arms. I am resolved to keep myself from hating humanity for as long as humanly possible. I had several stoned epiphanies last night but only a couple managed to survive my comatose sleep.

I have concerns about my business model. It has never been tested in a depression. I buy and sell to the higher economic strata and hope that my disaster of a Miami Show was a blip and mere aberration and not a harbinger of doom. So much of the business is about attitude and when mine is going south, things can get really ugly. If people are genuine and enthusiastic, I get real nice, real quick. Must stay approachable.

The doctor's office just called and it looks like I am going in for a kidney biopsy next wednesday. Have to find a ride back. Leslie's back has given out and she is in a lot of pain. I don't think she will be able to fly up and drive back with me on Monday. I hope that she feels better soon. She does so much for me and us. I don't think a long car ride will help matters.

I bought a beautiful Curtis Delano watercolor yesterday of Monument Valley as well as a Maria and Popovi vase. Millard has flown up and has been helping me. Went out last night for indonesian food and delicate copenhagen pastries with Dave and Amy and had a great time. We have been getting intermittent rain all week but hopefully it will not hurt the crowds.

One of the epiphanies is how easy I really have it. I have been blessed in so many ways in my life, with great friends, a good head, a thousand breaks, yet I cry at the slightest hang nail. Cassandra. I tilt at windows that are nine steps ahead on the chessboard. That might not and probably will not ever appear. I need to concentrate on process and not fixate on the endgame so much.

I also have been on a kooky self fulfilling bummer regarding my medical issues. When I was young I had a strange notion that my fifty second year was going to be my swan song and since it is fast approaching I have succumbed to some weird ass thinking and fatalism. I was pondering fate last night and a switch flipped over and I said "fuck it, I am going to beat all this medical shit and kick some ass again". At least until the official end of the world that Terrence McKenna said was due in 2012. We are about to get socked with a whole mess of end of the mayan calendar doomsday paranoia, much of it based on some pretty thin foundation.

My merchandise might be too good and too expensive for this venue now. The show has shrunk by a third with many of the older and fringe dealers now gone by the economy and attrition. I thought about bringing all cheap crap but led with my best stuff once again. We will see if it pays off.


Gotta run, gotta be nice.