The ideal of course, would be to bear my alloted lot with the swagger of a civil war soldier - sure captain, they blew off my legs and arms, but just watch what I can do with this stump...Unfortunately, I am jewish and we tend to want to have the world share in our orgy of pain and suffering.
I had my kidney biopsy yesterday and am awaiting results of the pathology testing. I am back in the catheter saddle and evidently internally bleeding pretty heavily. I tried to work for a few hours and finally said fuck it and went home and took a long nap on the couch, where I now sit with my trusty MacBook Pro.
Leslie was coloring her hair a new shade of purple when I arrived. "Honey what do you think about a shot of the catheter emptying into the toilet?" "Don't you dare, she cried - they still haven't got over the Robert as naked christ picture post heart surgery." Okay, Okay...The reds were just so vivid. You wanna talk verite, baby? But I won't and shant.
Urologist expects the rest of the kidney to come out, irrespective of it's pathogenic merits, since it is apparently blocking normal flow down there. Don't know when. Whatever happens, gonna have to roll with it. My turn to suck. The San Francisco show was another washout and I may be on borrowed time. Too much shit to worry about and the grind of Florida, San Francisco, the economy and my internal breakdowns ending me into a gear crunching free wheel spin. Like many americans right now, especially in large chunks of Ohio and Michigan.
The archetypical dream of the last several decades was the teflon card shark who could always pull out the right hole card at the right time. The new realism and paradigm will be a return to community and caring for others in our very leaky boat. I hope. Since the whole thing has gone to shit in such a ne'erbefore seen magnitude, we should attempt to fix something really big, something that we are on the verge of destroying, like our earth, water and sky. We may never get an opportunity like this again to look at ourselves in the mirror in such a human way. Save me a seat.
4 comments:
But really, how are things going?
i'm pretty sure i don't believe in death with dignity having seen far too many deaths (and even if i hadn't, have you watched the nature channel?), but i do believe in life with dignity.
as an antiques and arts dealer you find beauty and value in the world's caste offs and the unrecognized. you are clearly smart enough to find beauty and value in your current situation - whatever it turns out to be. to my mind that's unusual, a pretty grand dream.
sorry i missed you and the hillsborough show. i hope you are "laying crepe" but believe you have the strength to deal with whatever the results are.
what you do and what you say are important enough. you don't "need a seat" for anything larger, you're driving fast and steady.
keep doing so.
rick
Stay in the moment, hit the next shot; don't let the big picture overwhelm you.
If that was Doctor Rick, nice to hear from you and thanks for the kind words.
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